Morning Light
by MacD
Summary: Tara gets hurt, and Willow blames Buffy


  
Morning Light  
  
By MacD  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, or anything else. At all.  
Summary: Tara gets hurt, Willow blames Buffy.  
Distribution: If you want it, take it.  
Feedback: Ooh, yes please. Tell me if you want more. And what should happen. (d_mac_d@another.com)  
  
  
  
The last time they were together before it all happened, that was a good time. Tara's room, incense faint in the air, candles flickering. The cat curled up beside the bed on a pile of discarded clothes. They were all Willow's clothes; Tara, for all that she never seemed terribly concerned with outward appearances, was always very careful with her clothes. Before they went to bed she would always undress slowly, folding each piece of clothing, hanging them up. Willow loved to watch her, the look of concentration on her face, the total immersion in the task. And then Tara would turn, and look at the bed, and look at Willow in the bed, and that look would still be there, so focused, but smiling now. And that's what happened this time. It was very much like all the other times. But it was still good.  
  
****  
  
It happened the next morning. Eleven in the morning, you should be drinking tea and eating cookies, or sitting in the library thinking about lunch, or if you're very lucky you should still be in bed with the person you love. You shouldn't be fighting things in a cave. That thought kept going through Willow's mind during the fight, and then afterwards, over and over. It was a stupid thought - she knew it would have been just as terrible at any other time of day - but it wouldn't go away. She found it hard to think clearly for a long time afterwards, anyway.  
They were fighting these demons, big, green and scaly, with horns and claws and all those things. Willow never even knew what they were called. It hadn't been a big research event; they had known that something new was killing people, and Buffy had threatened Willy till he told them about the new demons in the cave near the river, and they had gone there with weapons. Giles had wanted to wait until they knew more, but Buffy had had a fight with Riley the day before, and was in the mood for fighting. She would have gone alone, if they hadn't gone with her, and so they went.  
It had been going well for a bit, and then it all went wrong. More demons came, and the group got split up in the big cave. Xander was knocked unconscious quite early on, and Giles and Anya had to drag him to one side and then protect him. Buffy fought well, killed a lot of them, but started to slow down. Willow and Tara had been trying to hang back, as they usually did. Buffy hated it if they got in her way, as she put it, and they needed the space if they were going to be able to help magically. This time though, the new demons arrived before they could think of any spells to cast, and the two of them found themselves backing across the cave, split off from their friends. Tara tripped and fell heavily; she didn't scream, though Willow heard something snap. The blonde girl tried to get to her feet, but fell again as her ankle gave under her. She looked up at her girlfriend and tried to smile, despite the pain. "I'm fine, I'll be okay, go and get safe", she said, but Willow didn't waste any time arguing. She just turned to stand in front of Tara, between her and the demon that was pursuing them, and tried to prepare a flame spell. It probably wouldn't be strong enough, but it was all she had.  
  
***  
  
Buffy finished the last of the demons she had been fighting, and quickly turned to see if her friends were safe. Xander was just coming to, and Giles and Anya seemed to be dealt with all the demons that had come near them. Anya was pretty handy with a knife. For a moment Buffy couldn't spot Willow or Tara, and then she saw them, right across the cave, and time slowed down for her, as it always did in situations like this. A second could feel like an hour. It was useful for fighting, but sometimes it just made horrible things last longer. Tara was down, she saw, and Willow was standing in front of her, and a demon was almost on top of her, rushing at her. Buffy knew she wasn't going to move. Willow looked as if she was trying for a spell, but Buffy knew that the powerful ones took too long. They were so far away, no time to reach them, no loaded crossbow. She saw one of their empty weapons bags lying on the floor, and rushed forward and kicked it, as hard as she could, launching it towards the others like a missile.  
This was how she rationalised it later, to herself and to the others. The bag was going pretty fat, but it was a big demon. He wouldn't even have noticed it. And Willow's spell probably wouldn't have been ready in time, and even if it had, well, she had never seen Willow produce a fireball or a lightening bolt. Fog, maybe, but that wasn't going to be much use. And so she had kicked the bag at Willow. It was soft and light, but with the Slayer's full power behind it it had the force of a strong punch. Willow felt it hit her, in the side, knocking the breath out of her, lifting her into the air, out of the creatures path. And so it's rush took it straight into Tara.  
It didn't have long to hurt her. Buffy was there almost right away, spinning through the air, snapping its neck with a single kick. But it had already had enough time.  
  
***  
Part 2  
  
After the hospital, they all just kind of drifted apart. Willow didn't want company, she made that clear. Tara lay there with tubes and drips, and Willow sat beside her, unable even to touch her, staring at her, and she didn't want company. They stood for a while in the car park, but no-one could think of anything to say, and then Giles went back to his house, and Anya and Xander went back to the basement, and Buffy went to find Riley. When they went back to the hospital the next morning, Tara's family were there, and Willow had gone.  
It took them a couple of days to be sure that she had really left town. Tara was still in hospital, rarely conscious, never able to speak or move much, her condition slowly getting worse rather than better. They checked the college and her parents house; it took Buffy a day to think of checking Willow's closet in their room, and even then she wasn't sure if any of her friends clothes were missing. After the first day, they started phoning people: friends, family, anyone. Giles phoned Angel that night, just to be thorough, just because they'd phoned everyone else. Cordelia answered.  
"Angel Investigations, we help the helpless."  
"Cordelia? This is Giles. From Sunnydale." He heard her sigh slightly at that; not, he thought, at the fact that it was him, though that was quite possible, but at the way he had felt it necessary to say he was from Sunnydale.  
"I do recognise your voice, Giles. With the English thing and all."  
"Ah, yes. Well. Is, ah, is Angel around?"  
"'Fraid not." She didn't sound terribly regretful. "He's out fighting some demony thing. Anything I can do for you?"  
He thought about waiting for Angel, and then decided against it. It didn't seem very likely that Willow would have gone there anyway, and if she had Cordelia would know about it. She always had been nosy. "Well, actually, I was just phoning up to see if you had seen Willow recently, or heard from her?" There was a long silence. He thought for a moment the phone had been disconnected, but decided he could hear breathing. "Willow? Red-haired girl? From Sunnydale?" He didn't actually know himself if he was being sarcastic or not. He had never had a very high opinion of Cordelia's memory, or her mental abilities. Eventually she replied.  
Willow hadn't been there. But, Giles eventually managed to work out, Cordelia did know where she was. She wasn't, however, meant to tell anyone. The account was rather confused. Garbled, even, Giles thought to himself. As far as he could make out, Willow was staying with someone somewhere else, someone who Angel trusted but Cordelia did not, and this was the reason Cordelia, despite her orders, was telling him all this. This was good, it was progress, and it only took twenty minutes to drag it out of the girl (in combination with commentary about the fashion sense of the various people involved, and how if anyone had looked at the clothes Willow had worn in high school they would have known all along she was a lesbian). What he had not managed to ascertain, however, was who this mysterious third party was.  
"Cordelia ... " Good god, she was still talking about dungarees. Living in LA seemed to have damaged her brain, to the limited extent that that had ever been possible. "Cordelia, please, where is Willow now? Who is she with?"  
"Have you not listened to anything I've said? I've been telling you for, like hours. I always knew it was Willow who was the smart one out of the lot of you. If it was you who was missing she'd probably have found you, like, yesterday. She's with Faith, like I've been trying to tell you."  
He was surprised, he had to admit that. He always thought that living where he did should have numbed his capacity for surprise, but it seemed as sharp as ever. "Faith? I thought she was in prison?"  
"No, she got out ages ago. Some dodgy deal or something. Angel knows about it. I would have thought he would have told you. I suppose he doesn't trust you." Yes, thank you Cordelia. "She's living in Arizona or somewhere like that. Some little town. She phoned up yesterday to say that Willow was with her. I think she wanted advice from Angel or something."  
He finally got her to find the name of the town and give it to him, and then he phoned Buffy.   
  
****  
Part 3  
  
Buffy took a mixture of trains and buses, for speed. Giles had offered to drive, but she wanted to do this on her own. It was her fault, after all. Well, not her fault. She had done the right thing, hadn't she? She'd just been protecting her friend, just doing her job, just like she was doing now. The journey took ages, through the night and then through the day, and then most of the next night. She stepped off the bus at about 5 in the morning, the first grey glimmers of light flooding slowly across the desert. It was a middle-sized, unremarkable town. She shivered, standing in the deserted little bus station. Yellow street light glare bounced in rainbows off spilt oil on the ground, and somewhere a dog barked once, but otherwise the town seemed silent. She wondered what the hell she was going to do now; Cordelia hadn't known, or hadn't admitted to knowing, Faith's actual address, and though the town wasn't big, it wasn't that small either. Giles had tried to discuss this problem with her, but she'd just wanted to get going. She'd figured she'd worry about it when she got here. And that was, she supposed, what she was doing. Good plan, well implemented.  
She heard something behind her and spun around, instinctively assuming a defensive stance, reaching for a stake. A figure stepped forward into the light. "Hey B." Faith. She looked different. No make-up. Simple clothes. Most of all, though, she looked calmer. She still had that thing where she looked like she found everything amusing, though.   
"Where's Willow?" Buffy was angry with herself for the way that came out. Too fast, too loud.   
"Uh, she left this afternoon. She was heading back to Sunnydale."  
Buffy swore. "When's the next bus back?"  
"You're going back?"  
"No reason for me to stay, is there? And I need to make sure Willow's alright. And I don't really feel like dealing with you at the moment, to be honest."  
Faith smiled, but her eyes clouded for a second. She shrugged. "Well, there's no bus till tomorrow anyway. And you won't get a hotel or anything this time of night, and it's pretty cold. No fun sleeping rough, believe me. Come back with me, sleep on the floor, we don't need to talk to each other, you can go in the morning. Alright?"  
Buffy hesitated, but she didn't really have a choice. She couldn't find it in herself to be graceful about it, though, so she just shrugged and nodded sulkily, and they started walking. After a few minutes Faith reached over and took her bag. "You've had a long day, and it's a bit of a trek. Anyway, when we get there I'll need to carry it through, 'cause they'd want to search it otherwise ... ah, you'll see when we get there."   
It was quite a long walk. The town was almost deserted at that time of night. There was a diner open with a few people sitting inside, and a couple of guys sitting in a van had wolf-whistled at them, and then shut up when they saw Faith stare at them in a dangerous, appraising way. Otherwise the walk had been very quiet. They hadn't spoken to each other. Finally they were in what seemed to be a little business district, or maybe an industrial area. A mixture of little office buildings and warehouses and second hand car lots. Faith stopped outside one of the office buildings, quite a large one. It looked like it might be a depository for a store or something, with big barred windows, and a tin roofed warehouse attached at the back. It didn't seem to have a sign. The metal doors slid open as they approached; Buffy must have gasped, or just looked surprised, because Faith smiled and pointed at a camera above the door, monitoring them. They walked through and the door closed behind them, leaving them in a little corridor briefly before the identical metal doors at the other end opened. And then they were in what could have been the lobby of any office block or even a block of flats, with a desk and a guard behind it. He grinned when he saw Faith, and pointed a finger at her like a gun. She returned the gesture, and they walked past and into a lift. Then through a confusing series of corridors, and finally to Faith's room.  
Faith's room had obviously been one of the storage areas; big and airy, with a high ceiling and tall windows. It was on two levels, the living area next to the door, and then a larger area down a short flight of steps that had been designed for training, with mats and bags and a wall of weapons. The living area was very sparse. There was a large mattress on the floor in one corner, and a low Japanese-style table in the middle of the room, and a fridge and cooker against one of the walls. And that was about it for furniture, though to Buffy's surprise one of the walls was lined with books. She didn't remember Faith being much of a reader. There was a basic hi-fi unit on one of the shelves as well, and quite a lot of CDs, and that was it. Faith put Buffy's bag down near the door, and put some music on. It was classical music, lots of strings, slow. Nothing Buffy recognised, although that wasn't really saying much. There was a cat on the bed. It looked asleep.   
Faith pointed to a second door next to the one they'd come through. "Bathroom. There should be a clean towel in there, in the cupboard, if you want. Go and have a wash or whatever, I'll sort out some food."  
"I'm fine. I don't need anything from you." As soon as she said that, Buffy felt guilty - that wasn't quite what she meant. Not, of course, that she did need anything from Faith, but still ... "Uh, sorry. Thanks. I'll go and clean up, but I'm not hungry or anything."  
Faith smiled, shook her head. "You can't have had much chance to eat, if you've come straight from Sunnydale. Look, I'll heat something up, you don't have to eat it if you don't want. Deal?"  
When Buffy came out of the bathroom Faith was sitting on the floor on the other side of the room, legs folded into the lotus position, the cat on her lap. She opened her eyes when she heard the door, and smiled. "Hey." She pointed at the table. "Food. Not great, or anything, but you probably need to eat." She closed her eyes again.  
Buffy went over to the table. There was a bowl of stew, and some bread that looked home-made. The stew smelt good, vegetables and beans, slightly spicy. She hesitated again, but couldn't deny that she was hungry, and she supposed she didn't really want to upset Faith, so she sat down and ate. The stew was even better than it had smelt, and the bread was good too. Faith still had her eyes closed; she hadn't moved. "Uh, Faith?"  
"Yup?" Eyes still closed.  
"That, uh, that was very nice. Thank you."  
"No probs, B."  
"Uh, did you make it yourself?"  
Faith opened her eyes, smiling again. "Yeah. I'm doing a lot of cooking these days. Did the bread, too. It's meant to be good for the temper. Calms you down."  
There were a few minutes of silence. "Uh, Faith?"  
"Yup?"   
"Why was Willow here?"  
A pause. Faith gently scooped the cat out of her lap, and put it on the floor. It looked at her, mewing slightly in complaint, before stalking back to lie on the bed. She unfolded her legs and stood slowly, shaking her legs to wake them up, and then walking over to sit nearer Buffy.  
"Willow and Tara used to come and visit me in prison. They came a few times." She saw the look of surprise in Buffy's face. "They never told you? I didn't think they had."  
She got up again, picking up Buffy's plates and taking them to the sink. She turned and leant against the sink. "I think, I think it was probably Tara's idea, first. I'm not sure about this, they never really discussed it with me. But I think Tara thought it was a good idea for Willow, I think that was the main reason the first time. Confronting the past and that. And then they came back. I think they felt sorry for me. They're both ... they're both very kind people. One time, when they'd told me they'd come, but Willow had to go demon-slaying with you, Tara came on her own. All the way, on the bus, so I wouldn't feel disappointed." She paused, looked away, towards the cat. "They bought me a cake for my birthday. A surprise visit. They must have found out from Wesley when it was, the Council probably knows that kind of thing. They're ... they're good people. I hurt Willow, and I would probably have hurt Tara if I'd got the chance, but they looked after me when I was in prison."  
Buffy didn't know what to say, so she said nothing. She'd never thought about going to visit Faith. If Tara had suggested it to her, she'd probably have laughed at her.  
"So, when I got out, we kept in touch. We speak on the phone, that kind of thing. Letters. And when Tara ..." Her voice faltered slightly. "When Tara got hurt, Willow phoned me. I wanted to go to Sunnydale, but, we, we decided that all things considered that would be a bad idea. And then when ..." Her voice slowed down and stopped.  
"Why did Willow leave? Why didn't she stay with Tara?"  
Faith walked towards her, hesitated, then came and sat back down next to her. Her voice was quiet, and incredibly gentle. "You're going to find this very difficult to hear. More difficult still because it's me saying it. I'm sorry. I don't want to have to say this. Willow ... Willow couldn't stand being around you. She just wanted to get out of town, and this was where she thought of. When Angel phoned to warn me you were coming, she took the opportunity to go back to see Tara. The whole time she was here, the only thing she could think of was Tara. She hated not being near her, but ... she blamed you."  
"You're lying." Buffy didn't know what to think. She'd known Willow had been angry with her, but surely not that angry? She'd only been doing her job, she told herself again.  
Faith just shook her head slightly. "Listen, maybe we should talk about this after we both get some sleep. It's getting late." She looked out of the window. "Actually, it's getting early. And you must be exhausted."  
Buffy nodded blankly, but she hardly heard. Somehow, she knew Faith wasn't lying. Had she done the wrong thing? Would Willow ever forgive her? She suddenly found she was sobbing, the days of worry and the lack of sleep all coming out at once. She heard Faith get up, and a door opening, and then the other Slayer was back, gently wiping her face with a damp cloth, and then picking her up, bodily, like she was a child, carrying her to the bed. "You need a bed, I think. I'll doss down on the mats, I've got a spare blanket." Buffy suddenly felt too tired to speak, too tired to do anything except tug off her shoes and top and trousers as Faith drew curtains and dimmed lights and turned the music off. Buffy lay back on the mattress and let herself sink into sleep. For a moment she was thinking about whether this was sensible, if it was safe to sleep in the same room as Faith, wondering for the first time since the bus station if Faith was still dangerous, but the tiredness was stronger than her worries, and sleep took over soon.  
She woke up to a room flooded with sunshine. It took her a moment to remember where she was, and then she saw Faith, down in the training area. She was wearing a karate gi, and working very slowly through a difficult kata, a pattern of punches and kicks and blocks. Done so slowly and gracefully, it was like a dance. It looked beautiful. It also looked rather silly, because the cat was sitting on her shoulder. It seemed to be asleep again.   
Faith went through the kata twice more, and then bowed to thin air, supporting the cat with one hand as she did. She turned and started towards the weapons rack, before noticing that Buffy was awake. "Hey B. How's it going?"  
Buffy didn't know what to say, but Faith just nodded at her silence. "There's food, if you want. Toast and stuff."  
"I, uh, I think we need to talk. At least, I need to talk."  
Faith walked over and sat at the end of the bed. She put a hand on Buffy's foot, through the covers, but didn't say anything.  
"Thank you for, ah, for looking after me last night. And I'm sorry about being, you know, awkward about it."  
"Everyone needs looking after sometimes, B. It's alright."  
There was a silence for a while.  
"Do you think Willow will forgive me?"  
Faith sighed. "To be honest, B., I don't know. Depends on how Tara does. If Tara, if Tara dies... "  
Buffy nodded. "She'd be right. I don't know if I'd forgive myself. But, I was doing the right thing. What else could I have done?"  
Faith shrugged. "Well, Tara probably won't die. The doctors reckoned she's got a good chance of full recovery. I don't think Willow would have left otherwise, however much she needed a bit of space. But, if you really want to know, I'm not sure you're being honest with yourself."  
Buffy stared at her; Faith had her head down, eyes fixed on the floor. She looked uncomfortable. She looked, Buffy thought, like someone who was telling the truth, at least as they saw it.   
Faith spoke again, very quietly. "If it was someone else, you would have done it differently. Xander or Giles in front of Willow, you wouldn't have knocked them out of the way, even though they don't have the magic thing. Willow in front of your mom, you wouldn't have knocked her out of the way."  
Buffy took this in. She hadn't thought about it like that, she had to admit. "But, well, that's normal, isn't it? I like Tara, but I don't really know her, and Willow, Willow's my best friend. If you can't protect everyone, you protect the person you care about most, don't you?"  
Faith muttered something Buffy didn't catch.  
"Sorry?"  
The dark haired girl stood up quickly and walked to the window. She spoke, still quietly, but audibly, her face turned away.  
"Ah, I just, I just said I'm not the best person to ask about that. I don't ... I've never really known about that, you know that. But the thing Willow was angry about was that you were protecting her. You didn't let her protect the person she cared about. The person she cares about more than anyone, I suppose. You took that chance away from her, and it's going to be hard for her to forgive you for that."  
Buffy sat silently for a while, thinking. Faith watched her for a bit, and then nodded, and left her to it, returning to the mats.   
After a while Buffy got up and went and stood looking down into the training area. Faith had a wooden sword in each hand, both curved, one shorter than the other. She was moving slowly through a sword kata, a look of total concentration on her face. The cat was on the steps, watching her.  
"Uh, you're looking good. I didn't know you could do all that stuff"  
Faith finished the kata and bowed again, and then looked smiling up at Buffy. "Thanks, B. I used to do some of this stuff with my watcher, back before ... you know. And now I'm starting again. It's meant to be good for the temper. Loads of stuff is meant to be good for the temper. I like it, though. How're you doing?"   
Buffy shrugged. She smiled a little, a sad smile. "I thought about what you said. I really wanted to disbelieve you. I tried to tell myself you were still evil. I was thinking about searching the place thinking maybe you'd kidnapped Willow or something. And then I, I stopped lying to myself. You were right. I should have let Willow protect the person she loved. I don't really know why I didn't."  
Faith looked at her. Buffy thought she seemed uncomfortable.  
"Faith, uh, have you got an opinion on that? Because, if you do, I ... I'd really like you to know. You seem, well, you've been right so far." She tried to smile, but couldn't manage it.  
Faith shook her head a little, and put the swords back on the wall, and bowed again and came up the steps, picking the cat up. She put a hand gently on Buffy's shoulder, and spoke softly.  
"Shit, B. You're not going to want to hear this either. Maybe I'm wrong. If I'm right, you must already know it, somewhere. If you ask me, you wouldn't let Willow protect the person she loved because that's what you were doing. You were protecting Willow. Not just from the demon, either. From Tara. Not 'cause Tara was going to hurt her, but because she was taking Willow away from you."  
Buffy laughed, but it came out wrong, all shrill. "You think I love Willow? I mean, I do love Willow, but, you know, not like that. And even if I did, why would I be jealous of Tara and not of Oz? But I don't love her, not like that."  
Faith just shrugged. "You know best, B. Just my theory. Tara thought so, but she was maybe just being paranoid."  
Buffy stared. "Tara thought ...thinks I love Willow? That I'm jealous of her?"  
Faith laughed. "Yeah. But being Tara, she wasn't angry or anything. Just sad. She doesn't think she can match up to you. She's so ... stupid that way. She thinks you're prettier than her, and you're the slayer and everything. She thinks it's inevitable, that one day you'll realise you love Willow, and ol' Red will realise she loves you, and Tara'll be left out. Like I say, she's not even angry about it, even though Will's the most important thing that's ever happened to her. I think she's just trying to enjoy just now as much as she can. Well, she was, anyway."  
"But that's so, so stupid. They're a great couple. And Will really loves her, she would never leave her. Ah, and I don't even love her in that way." She was silent, and then added, very quietly, "I don't think so, anyway."  
Faith looked at her, and then walked over and put her arms around the blonde girl, and held her tightly, and they stayed that way for a long time.  



End file.
